I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
