the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
