I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
