I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
