we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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