WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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