And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
