Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
