I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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