You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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