He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
