so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
