Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
