I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
