I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
