wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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