I'm jealous of your bromance
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
