I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize