Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
