we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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