We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
