you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
