We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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