please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
