saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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