i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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