Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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