I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize