That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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