I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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