So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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