I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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