Don't make out with my wife yet
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
