that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize