Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
