watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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