My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
