A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize