Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
