we have pet lesbian snakes
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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