i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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