butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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