May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
