So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
