How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
