you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
