I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
