i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
