So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
