Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
