Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how can u be prego again
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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