he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
