i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love having hate sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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