I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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