Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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