I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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