New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
