So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
