he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
