the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
