I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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