whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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