Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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