I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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