I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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