the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
