def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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