I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
