I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize