This dress was meant to end up on your floor
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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