No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
