Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
