Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
