i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
