i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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