It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
