apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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