i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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