If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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