Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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