I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
