M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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