I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
