Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
they need to just BURY HIM!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
