I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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